Sorry, We're Closed

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Winter indeed

It is a tough thing, to make something out of this life before you die.

A prayer from the Isha Upanishad reads, "Let not the thread of my song be cut while I sing. And let not my work end before its fulfillment."

It is these words I turn to when I struggle with the life of writing. When I can't find anyone who believes in what I want to write, what I need to write...when I can't break through to the next level, when I feel that I'll be struggling forever. When I don't have the heart for the struggle itself or the vision to see a light in the distance.

It is these moments in which I wonder how much strength I truly possess. It would be very easy for me now to withdraw entirely, to sleep--to die a little--especially in this time of year when sickness, darkness, and death visit us so often.

Two friends are about to lose parents. I cannot give them the compassion they need and deserve. I am stuck in my own hell, this spiral that gets worse the more you think about it and the more it pulls you in, the faster you go down.

I have support. I have family. I have friends. I have my health. But the mind and the heart are their own beings, and they undercut everything else whenever they wish.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Jonathan said...

Beyond all my good wishes, I'd ask you to accept this (and I'll be presumptuous enough to think I'm speaking for most people who read/post/know you): at the very least have faith that what you do, and write, generally thrusts the world that much more towards the good. Maybe a lot, maybe not much, but definitely not the butterfly wings that chaos theory describes, just as likely to create a typhoon across the globe as a refreshing breeze.

Sorry if that rambles or is too sacharine -- winter is getting to me too...

9:37 AM, December 13, 2007

 
Blogger Jim said...

You've had the strength to get where you are today. Trust that hat should be enough to keep you going a while longer. Meanwhile, rejoice in the fact that you are alive, b/c the odds of that happening in this universe are pretty large.

3:44 PM, December 13, 2007

 
Anonymous adenia said...

We must not wish for the disappearance of our troubles but for the grace to transform them.
- Simone Weil

Stop and just breath.
Don't try so hard.
You are wonderful just the way you are.
Honesty is kinda sexy ya know!

6:19 PM, December 13, 2007

 
Blogger Jim said...

And if you want something to chase away your blues, go see the show Lies and I just saw tonight, The Bicycle Men, at the Lakeshore Theater. Starring dan Castellanata, Joe Liss, Mark Nutter and Paul Rubano. All Second City alums, and hysterically funny men. Check out more at thebicyclemen.com.

8:31 PM, December 13, 2007

 
Anonymous Dan E said...

Posterity is overrated, my friend. You're a fine writer and a good soul, and there are precious few in this world I can say both things about. Be here now, as they say...

8:06 PM, December 16, 2007

 
Blogger Florence Yoo said...

dearest stu,
i sorta feel like i've been going through this endless rough patch myself, but knowing that special souls like you are out there make the journey worthwhile... i feel so very lucky and glad to know ya!
much love and happy new year,
florence :D

6:25 PM, December 26, 2007

 
Anonymous Amy said...

Writing - is what you do, Stu. It's as much a part of who you are as your glasses, your goofy sense of humor, your absolute unwavering passion for music. You are one of those folks who was really never meant to do anything else.

I couldn't imagine you doing anything else with your life, or your talent.

I would also say the same for Rob as well. It's what you do, ya know?

As for the rest of what you wrote, winter sucks. However, I think these little visits with the Dark Side also force us to clean out the steamer trunks full of cruft in our heads.

This darkness messes with our brain chemistry just enough to make us feel like crap, question ourselves, feel like disappearing for just a while (or hibernating, like a bear). However, I do tend to think that this darkness makes us appreciate the light that much more - and once the darkness passes we find a fresher appreciation for life.

10:51 AM, January 04, 2008

 

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