Sorry, We're Closed

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Randoms

A few thoughts:

1. I'm enjoying the discussion of George Harrison's "Within You Without You" (under the "Worst of the Beatles" thread) but hope that things don't start to get rough...this business of rating, dissecting, and analyzing songs--or any art that means such different things to everyone--can inspire plenty of passion. My two cents? I think it's a beautiful song, one I didn't even begin to understand until I had listened to actual Indian music, in which pieces routinely last 20 minutes.

2. My interview with Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper is now online at www.callofthegame.com, a cool site about sports broadcasting.

3. My contributions to this site have been pretty minor of late; I'll be back on the horse in a day or two.

4. Here's an e-mail message floating around the 'net that I received from my friend Phil Rogers, which I'll print without comment.


Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California
will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us.
In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact,
God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30
pm EST today. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in
their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator,
Barack Obama, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep Martha Stewart, we can live
with that.)

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the
technological innovation in Alabama.

We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red
states pay their fair shares. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of
single moms to support, and we know how much you like that.

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the
only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh
yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state
dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. (Ouch, bet that
hurts!)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and
anti-war.

Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States' citizens back from
Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have
tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no
purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids'
caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely, California

4 Comments:

Blogger amo said...

i thoroughly enjoyed the letter from california. :)

8:02 AM, February 17, 2005

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you think "Bible Thumpers" eat more greens than just pickles?

8:54 AM, February 22, 2005

 
Blogger Stuart Shea said...

Maybe some of them do. But if they don't want to respect the rights of blue staters, they can do without our vegetables--and our tax dollars.

4:25 PM, February 23, 2005

 
Anonymous home equity lines of credit said...

A

1:48 AM, November 29, 2005

 

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