Sorry, We're Closed

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Hey, everyone. Just wanted to drop by and sit a spell.

For those of you who watch the FOX TV series "House," you may be interested in this weekly blog by my good friend Laura Enright. She's an Assistant Editor at Pioneer Local and also wrote Chicago's Most Wanted, which you can still find in the bookstores and is a great book about the best city in the world.

I will be awarding a winner in the previous "Just One Song" contest in a day or so as well as beginning a new contest!

Now, for some things that I believe.

I believe that the best pizza in the world is not as good as the worst sex in the world.

I believe that the best sex in the world is on a pizza.

I believe that when one lectures Peter Cetera for his David Gates-ish tendencies, one is doing so as a compliment.

I believe that the best thing about America is that our laws make it expressly clear that it would be WRONG to take Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Dick Chaney, tie them together with a rusty, greasy bicycle chain, strip them naked, cover them in Elmer’s glue, roll them in pencil shavings and sawdust, strap jalapeno peppers across the bottoms of their noses, coat their lips with peanut butter and let the flies in, make them do half-knee bends and stay that way, dip their hands in warm water, and shovel very warm coals around their feet.

Yes, that would be WRONG.


Blogger Amy said...

You forgot to add...
... and attach them to a parade float driven by Lewis Black (or Keith Olbermann!) with a big scarlet "S" on it (for S, in this case, is for "Shame") covered in rainbow-colored fabric and drive them up Clark St from maybe Diversey on north (for starters).

7:30 AM, March 20, 2009

Blogger Stuart Shea said...

HA! Great addition! Yes, that would also be WRONG.

8:23 AM, March 20, 2009

Blogger Bob Purse said...

Someone's been reading my diary!!!

8:53 AM, March 20, 2009

Blogger Dwight Rounds said...

Stuart, thanks for ranking the songs on my top ten blog.

Dwight Rounds

Baseball and Beatles-era music are my two passions. Have been a SF Giants fan since attending a Yankees-Giants World Series game in 1962

7:18 PM, March 22, 2009

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What Pizza Sex, isn't that a band that played on the second stage at OZZFEST.

6:38 PM, April 27, 2009


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